guile && repulsive && oh so real

I have recently come to the realization that I create these relationships that lack lasting potential because the fact remains that I don't seek relationships with longevity, but those that are pliable because my bridges can be burned much easier....I hate when males get attached after being forewarned of the person i once was...the person i am...i give off this sense of achievement and a type of confidence that not many females possess, but deep down i'm a scared and hurt little girl...I lack emotions because emotions are synonymous with weakness which is how you get hurt...there are but a mere few that understand the feelings i have...the remorse that at times convicts me...the castigation of my own personal faults....and the guile, repulsive thoughts that reverberate from my very being...the malicious acts of those who have wronged me have brought me to this place and unfortunately have kept me here...their mendacious actions have caused me to be this heartless, selfish person that I now am....these men that think i'm what they want have no clue of the punishment they are sentencing themselves to...and though i endlessly say that i will one day change, I know that i have actually embraced this new soul....this lonely and simple life...so this is me...take from it what you want but understand that the girl you may have known...the girl i once was...has been lost for sometime now and the chance of her returning is but a shot in the dark....