not good with rejection

So, this is what it is. I don't take rejection well. I am what lots people may refer to as "spoiled" and all i know is how to get my way, so this current predicament I am definitely NOT liking very much...I see now that pride is kinda hurt...Kim always gets what she wants...so it seems that I'll have to work a little harder...The kinda hard that puts me in a good position...I've already said that I have no problem with the situation especially now that I know where we stand...but this shit is ridiculous...I don't know if I'm trippin cuz I'm not used to being rejected or cuz i'm really just hurt...true enough, my feelings were genuine...but i can't get over this...oh well, i could say move on to the next, but i think i really wanted him...he was nice and sweet and all those GOOD things...and i'm so used to ASSHOLES that I can barely tell what a nice guy is anymore...that's what i'm looking for...a nice guy who can put me in my place every now and then...YES!!! Either he's just a nice guy or he's gay...and i would hope it's not the latter...

~i'm not tryin to be varsity, i just wanna start out on freshmen a~

Breakdown

Maybe I just needed something or someone to latch on to and maybe that someone was you. However those feelings weren't reciprocated and I'm not sure if that hurt me or my pride but I most nearly believe that I'm the one that got hurt. I'm the one always getting hurt and why is that? Why have I yet again made myself vulnerable to someone to only be let down in the end? It was right. It felt right, like what I was feeling you were as well. But I was wrong, it was wrong. So back to the callous, merciless girl that I once was. I don't want to be this broken-hearted girl anymore but how can I possibly go back to a life before my heart was mangled because I don't remember the last time it was in tact. So where do I go now? It's not you that's done this to me, just the final contributor. You would think that by now these deep-seeded wounds would be healed but I guess this degree of pain can't be fixed with a band aid. The torment HE brought into my life when HE decided that our time together would be shortened was a type of pain I never expected to experience again. I loved him more than I loved myself. I have been sad and lonely since then, bouncing from 1 to 2 to 3 and so on trying to find that type of love, protection and care I felt when I was in his arms. But is seems as though the male psyche doesn't understand the pain that comes with the rejection of you no longer wanting me; this rejection I constantly experience. So I shall put this broken facade back on my face to hide how badly I'm suffering.

Have you???

Have you ever thought of doing something you know in your heart is not right? Something you know would hurt the one person who never hurt you except when he decided to leave. Who knows how he'd feel about this current dilemma that I have so apparently placed myself in. I didn't mean for it to happen like this. My feelings grew overnight. Who knows if this person feels the same. He most nearly doesn't but I would like this friendship to become something more. In my heart, I still love him but I also know that I have to move on to be happy and that's what I plan on doing.

Just another day...but why do i feel this way???

I sit here wondering what it would be like...what we would be like but I already know. Have you ever felt like the life you have belongs to someone else and the life you should have is gone? Your happy ending, your fairy tale snatched from you like a thief in the night. It's but a mere March day, gloomy outside as if the storm is rapidly approaching, but the storm seems to be within; within me, ready to break free. And as these tears fall from my eyes, it begins. I don't know or understand why I feel this way. I can't comprehend or fathom all the emotions I have recently been feeling. This constant hurt, this feeling of neglect, this pain I am experiencing and why? Why does it feel like the more I try to break free from this hell, my mind continues to take me back there. My heart, my soul, my body can't take this anymore.