This rain that falls

I just don't understand what happened...what's worse is that I don't understand how I allowed this to happen...as I hide behind this smile...the guise of this facade, I'm slowly dying inside...these tears nonchalantly trail down my cheeks leaving stains of the pain I'm experiencing...but I continue to portray this happy character as I show off this brave face when the reality is that this is merely a disguise shielding my true feelings...the facetious smile on my face is contradicted by the gloss of my eyes...but I'm not gonna cry...not now at least, however in the comfort of my shower I will let this rain fall freely

guile && repulsive && oh so real

I have recently come to the realization that I create these relationships that lack lasting potential because the fact remains that I don't seek relationships with longevity, but those that are pliable because my bridges can be burned much easier....I hate when males get attached after being forewarned of the person i once was...the person i am...i give off this sense of achievement and a type of confidence that not many females possess, but deep down i'm a scared and hurt little girl...I lack emotions because emotions are synonymous with weakness which is how you get hurt...there are but a mere few that understand the feelings i have...the remorse that at times convicts me...the castigation of my own personal faults....and the guile, repulsive thoughts that reverberate from my very being...the malicious acts of those who have wronged me have brought me to this place and unfortunately have kept me here...their mendacious actions have caused me to be this heartless, selfish person that I now am....these men that think i'm what they want have no clue of the punishment they are sentencing themselves to...and though i endlessly say that i will one day change, I know that i have actually embraced this new soul....this lonely and simple life...so this is me...take from it what you want but understand that the girl you may have known...the girl i once was...has been lost for sometime now and the chance of her returning is but a shot in the dark....

Scared of Lonely

I don't want to be this broken hearted girl any longer. I have been so scared...so AFRAID of losing my sanity and dealing with what is truly bothering me, that I don't....no I won't allow myself to be alone. After all I've experienced, the thought of being lonely is terrifying. This most trivial and perhaps exhilarating existence for some sends chills down my spine. I have been frantically trying to escape such a life rather than embrace it, yet the more I continue to fight off this loneliness, the more ineluctable my broken-heartedness becomes...and that feeling is unbearable. It saddens me that I allowed such a nugatory person this type of control on my life. There is no time frame to which you must "release pain" or "let go and move on" but that I allowed this person to drive a wedge between me and my very being is repulsive. I just want to go back to being the exuberant young woman that I once was without the hurt of this faltered love. Him, I am over but the pain that was caused still lingers. I don't know when or how that will go away but my personal efforts thus far have been null. The single life is alright for some but for me it will not suffice.

Destiny

The destination of my future is different than that of yours...the destiny we once thought was ours is no more...I lie awake lonely nights realizing that our fate is sealed and that my life with you is a mere figment of a distant past that once enveloped us...my heart aches with the pain in knowing that what once was is completed...the eternity that was promised, the forever that was expected has led to the disappointment which I looked toward all along...

Just a thought

Just a thought for today...just a distant memory to a life that once was...the life that was you and I...a life that takes us back to a time of simplicity...simply you...simply me...simply we...but that life has since gone, disappeared, vanished into a has been and once was because that time and place has come and gone...now there is simply you and simply me but there is no we...

So, I haven't written in a while....I feel that I am at a place in my life that I can finally express my feelings. My broken heart was whole. He'd filled a hole in my heart that as existed for so long, but somehow, this same person shattered my very being. He turned the life that I had planned for upside down and didn't even care. Well, I won't go into all the gory details but just understand that this person who promised to love me forever couldn't possibly do that. He couldn't be the man that I thought he was...the man that I thought was worth of my love. It all ended up being a lie...i thought he loved me...i genuinely thought that the feelings we shared could last a lifetime but it was all a facade....and now i'm back where i started...that's all i can write today...

Love,

Ms. Broken-Hearted Girl

this broken heart is whole again

Have you ever felt like you've found that one person that you're meant to be with??? Like your soul mate has finally come to you??? That's how he makes me feel...like with him by my side, I'll never have another worry in the world...It's weird that after this short period of time I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him...and I plan to...Guess these aren't thoughts from a broken heart...I want to give him all of me...I can't describe the way I love him, but I do...I've never cared about one person this much...he really does complete me...he filled a hole that I didn't know existed until now and I truly do want to spend my forever with him...{{as i cry}}