Scared of Lonely

I don't want to be this broken hearted girl any longer. I have been so scared...so AFRAID of losing my sanity and dealing with what is truly bothering me, that I don't....no I won't allow myself to be alone. After all I've experienced, the thought of being lonely is terrifying. This most trivial and perhaps exhilarating existence for some sends chills down my spine. I have been frantically trying to escape such a life rather than embrace it, yet the more I continue to fight off this loneliness, the more ineluctable my broken-heartedness becomes...and that feeling is unbearable. It saddens me that I allowed such a nugatory person this type of control on my life. There is no time frame to which you must "release pain" or "let go and move on" but that I allowed this person to drive a wedge between me and my very being is repulsive. I just want to go back to being the exuberant young woman that I once was without the hurt of this faltered love. Him, I am over but the pain that was caused still lingers. I don't know when or how that will go away but my personal efforts thus far have been null. The single life is alright for some but for me it will not suffice.